Hang On.

Writer's block. It's a real thing. I am no writer, by any means. I do it for enjoyment. Sort of. I mainly like just throwing some thoughts on paper. Not a professional. I don't even feel like any of it makes sense and it is definitely not grammatically correct. But there comes times when I feel this rush of inspiration and I think that I need to share it with the world. Well, more like my small circle of people who actually read this thing. I never really have anything super awesome to share. It's normally all over the place. But it's me. It's my brain at work. It's my voice. When I start feeling the pressure of, "Oh my gosh, I haven't written in my blog in like 3 months! I need to write something!" That is when I start to feel this block. I got nothing.

I usually get this rush of inspiration when I am in the car listening to music. Music has a way of giving me the feels. If you want to speak to me or tell me something, do it in a song. I will feel it so much more than if you tell me in words. Or even writing it would work too. I am a very visual person so seeing it in words will stick more. It's more memorable. I think in words written out. That's part of the reason why if I have something to say to you, I will write it. I can't say what I want to say if I am talking. I don't get it all out. That or I cry. Haha! I mean that depends on what it is I am trying to get across. Anyways, music is usually the inspiration to my writing. I am able to remember things and it just gives me the feels. Like Clint Black says, "Ain't it funny how a melody can bring back a memory." For sure, Mr. Black. Anyways, a little look into the complicated mind that is mine.

I have changed the subject of this specific entry about 300 times. I have written and erased, written and erased about 3 or 4 times now. I can't get it perfect. If I am going to write to y'all, I want it to be perfect. I don't want to half-ass it (Excuse my language). I think what I am going to do today is just talk about a song I heard this morning that really hit me, since I was talking about how songs inspire me. Chris Janson has a song called, "Hang On." I am not sure if he wrote it or if it is one he just resang. Is that even a word? Resang? It has the red underline telling me it's not a word. Well, it is now. Anyways, the whole song hits me but there is one specific part that really gets me to think. Lyrics are as follows:

When you're doing better

You're doing better than alright

When that reason that you're born takes flight

It is gonna be one hell of a ride

So, hang on

You gotta throw your hands in the air

Hear them angels sing

Just listen close they're singing your song

Kick back and cast your cares

Set your weary mind free

Cause your better days they're coming along

So, hang on

"The reason you were born takes flight" is what affects me. I feel like I haven't found that reason. Obviously being a parent is part of that because I feel like I was meant to be a mom since I was little and clearly I made that one happen. But I haven't found that thing. That one thing people work so hard to get. I know so many people that have found their thing. Their passion. I listen to Bobby Bones (as many of you know) and he is constantly talking about how crazy it is that he is on the radio and doing the one thing he only dreamt about doing as a kid. I mean, homeboy has made it to the top. He has been inducted in to the National Radio Hall of Fame. He beat out Ryan Seacrest! If that's how you spell his name. Anyways, the point is, he wakes up and is excited to get to work. Work is his hobby. That sounds lame, but I think you get it. He worked so hard to get to where he is today. It definitely didn't come easy. If you want a little inspiration, you can read his book Bare Bones. You can find it on Amazon. 

I don't have that passion. I want it. I thought teaching was it. But juggling teaching and 4 small kids was just extremely hard. Maybe teaching is still it. Maybe the passion will come back once my kids are all in school. It was just too much and I couldn't give the 100% that I wanted to give. I couldn't. I was drained. Running on empty. 

I love helping people. Doing things for people. You want me to run an errand? Okay, on it. Administration work? I love that too. That was most of my jobs throughout college. I did that for my dad's business. I guess I enjoy being an administrative assistant because I knew I was helping. Doing all the mundane work that my dad didn't really have time for. But I liked it. Figuring out Quickbooks and entering expenses. It was fun! And I did something similar when I worked for a non profit in college. 

I don't know. I guess when I hear that line, it just makes me think. I am 30 and I have no idea what I was born to do. I may be doing it. Who knows! I sure don't. But I do hope to figure that out in time. Maybe once my kids are older and I have time to explore a bit more. For now, I will enjoy my kiddos while I have them and while they think I am cool and want to hold my hand and give me hugs. That is something I will not get back. For now, my passion is going to be being a mom and loving my kiddos. :)

Till next time friends! Enjoy my extremely vulnerable and so not grammatically correct blog entry. Oh and here is the song if you are interested. Ironically the recording is on the Bobby Bones show. Not on purpose, it's the only one that was on Youtube! Geez, you probably already know I may be a bit obsessed. Adam is going to get jealous...:)